Not long ago I read an interesting article written by a man titled “5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women” I warn you, while this article is at times funny, it’s also rather crude. After initially reading it, I just felt disgust and disappointment towards men in general. However, after digesting every last point, I decided to turn that accusatory finger around to analyze myself. When I did this, I realized that we women have plenty of our own misplaced expectations.
Last week after watching another episode of Friday Night Lights (my latest obsession along with Game of Thrones) I sighed to my friend “How could I ever settle for a real man when imaginary men like Tim Riggins and Jon Snow exist?” – “Well, exist in the imaginary sense,” I quickly corrected myself. It took two seconds for me to realize what I had said and laughed at how ridiculous it sounded.
It got me thinking about expectations. I think women (arguably men as well) expect real men to be exactly the way our imaginary men are and when they fall short, we claim that it’s because “they’re just not the one.”

So, real men don’t take a vow of chastity to go to The Wall to protect humanity from the White Walkers? Disappointing.
There is no better example of this than “Dating in the Dark” – the trashiest of all trashy TV that I admit I watched a few times. Even though I can be pretty cynical about men, it seemed that most times after dating men in the dark, it was the women who bailed once they saw the men in the light. The guy I was watching the show with laughed victoriously every time, “See! And you say men are shallow!”
Well, we’re all shallow. But this scenario actually proves my point. I think “dating in the dark” is a horrible idea for women. If we can’t see our prince charming, we fall in love with a fantasy – if he’s got the humor and the charm then we assume he must also look exactly like our other fantasy crushes (Russell Crowe or Brad Pitt). When he doesn’t, we’re disappointed and decide, alas, “he’s not the one”.
We’re generally pretty quick to bemoan how the commercial sexual objectification of women creates unrealistic expectations about real women, while we harbor ridiculous expectations of real men created by fantasy men in romantic comedies and TV shows.

Jacks and Peter Simon, Love (and other disasters)
I recently watched the movie “Love (and other disasters)” again and realized how much the character of Peter Simon represents so many women I know – yes, myself included. Peter is the main character’s gay flat mate and he has this unbelievable problem of building up his fantasy crushes so much so that the real person could never compete with the fantasy. At one point in the movie, a regular-looking bloke joked, “I supposed I could never live up to your dream guy anyway” to which Peter’s friend retorts “trust me, no one could.”
What I’m not doing is telling you to lower your standards. What I am doing is telling you, ladies (myself included), to get out of your own head. It’s pretty nice out here.
I get why we do it. It’s easier to have a fictional relationship with imaginary men than to deal with the disappointments, challenges and heartbreaks that often come as a package deal with real men. Your fantasy men will never disappoint you. But, ladies, Jon Snow and Tim Riggins will never really love you either. They’re not real.