A revolution of peace

After a beautiful two weeks home with my family I bid them farewell once again and took the red-eye back to London on Tuesday night. Thursday night marked the start of London’s Colour Conference.The Colour Sisterhood describes itself as a rising movement of women across the earth, who have a devotion, love and commitment to be the change in their local and global communities. But it’s really so much more than that. Hosted by Hillsong Church in London, the global Colour Sisterhood empowers women to realize their full potential as daughters of our heavenly Father, the great Saviour King. Speakers included the amazing Priscilla Shirer, Sheila Walsh, Christine Caine, and of course, Bobbie Houston. See you at Colour 2013, London!

The unfair fight: Fantasy men vs. Real men

Not long ago I read an interesting article written by a man titled “5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women” I warn you, while this article is at times funny, it’s also rather crude. After initially reading it, I just felt disgust and disappointment towards men in general. However, after digesting every last point, I decided to turn that accusatory finger around to analyze myself. When I did this, I realized that we women have plenty of our own misplaced expectations.

Last week after watching another episode of Friday Night Lights (my latest obsession along with Game of Thrones) I sighed to my friend “How could I ever settle for a real man when imaginary men like Tim Riggins and Jon Snow exist?” – “Well, exist in the imaginary sense,” I quickly corrected myself. It took two seconds for me to realize what I had said and laughed at how ridiculous it sounded.

It got me thinking about expectations. I think women (arguably men as well) expect real men to be exactly the way our imaginary men are and when they fall short, we claim that it’s because “they’re just not the one.”

So, real men don't take a vow of chastity to go to The Wall to protect humanity from the White Walkers? Disappointing.

There is no better example of this than “Dating in the Dark” – the trashiest of all trashy TV that I admit I watched a few times. Even though I can be pretty cynical about men, it seemed that most times after dating men in the dark, it was the women who bailed once they saw the men in the light. The guy I was watching the show with laughed victoriously every time, “See! And you say men are shallow!”

Well, we’re all shallow. But this scenario actually proves my point. I think “dating in the dark” is a horrible idea for women. If we can’t see our prince charming, we fall in love with a fantasy – if he’s got the humor and the charm then we assume he must also look exactly like our other fantasy crushes (Russell Crowe or Brad Pitt). When he doesn’t, we’re disappointed and decide, alas, “he’s not the one”.

We’re generally pretty quick to bemoan how the commercial sexual objectification of women creates unrealistic expectations about real women, while we harbor ridiculous expectations of real men created by fantasy men in romantic comedies and TV shows.

Jacks and Peter Simon, Love (and other disasters)

I recently watched the movie “Love (and other disasters)” again and realized how much the character of Peter Simon represents so many women I know – yes, myself included. Peter is the main character’s gay flat mate and he has this unbelievable problem of building up his fantasy crushes so much so that the real person could never compete with the fantasy. At one point in the movie, a regular-looking bloke joked, “I supposed I could never live up to your dream guy anyway” to which Peter’s friend retorts “trust me, no one could.”

What I’m not doing is telling you to lower your standards. What I am doing is telling you, ladies (myself included), to get out of your own head. It’s pretty nice out here.

I get why we do it. It’s easier to have a fictional relationship with imaginary men than to deal with the disappointments, challenges and heartbreaks that often come as a package deal with real men. Your fantasy men will never disappoint you. But, ladies, Jon Snow and Tim Riggins will never really love you either. They’re not real.

The simple pleasures

Sometimes life is about the simple pleasures. Sometimes it’s just your perspective that separates the good and the bad days. When your simple pleasures come along, relish them before moving on. This morning I encountered a few of them and thought I’d share some of my favorite simple pleasures.

Flowers and plants. I love my plants. I try to take good care of them but if they die or I have to move and leave them behind, I tend to get emotional.

The perfect song at the right moment. When your iPod is on shuffle and all of a sudden the perfect song comes on at just the right moment.

Mornings. I love mornings. Whether it’s the birds singing and the sunshine or the smell of early morning when it’s still a bit chilly and everything is covered with dew or frost.

My leather jacket. It’s perfectly worn and fits me just right. For just a second when I shrug on my leather jacket I feel pure satisfaction.

Endorphins. That high you get after a particularly brutal cardio work out. For me it’s usually after either running or spinning.

Passionate opinions. Whether I agree or disagree, I love intense conversations. But even more when it’s with someone who loves or hates the exact same things as me.

Hugs. Enough said.

Discovering a new band. When you can’t stop listening to that one musician or song. They are perpetually stuck in your head, and you don’t mind.

Celebrity crushes. Taylor Kitsch. (sigh).

Blueberry pie and butter tarts. Not together, that would be weird.

Bare feet.

Lazy days. Doing absolutely nothing and not feeling guilty about it (made even better if you can forgo your pants for just a pair of wooly socks).

Concerts. There’s nothing quite like seeing your favorite bands live – in a sea of people who love them as much as you do. Even more so when your favorite bands are way better live than you even expected.

Strangers feeling the beat. I love when I see complete strangers with headphones bobbing their heads enthusiastically because they just love the music that much.

When my team is winning.

Reading a hilarious book and laughing obnoxiously loud while in public. People will generally think you’re crazy, but that’s part of the fun.

Everything Bailey does. My dog can do no wrong in my eyes.

Home when you’ve been away – sometimes for far too long

This last of these will experienced in just one week. I feel blessed everyday for the opportunities I’ve been given to study something I’m passionate about in beautiful and fascinating countries with incredible and inspirational people. But, of course, the greatest things in life are also challenging. I miss my family and friends and my life in Canada everyday. After a tearful phone call with my mom last week I woke up to the best surprise on Saturday morning. Without telling me, my mom bought tickets to bring me home for two weeks: April 10^th – 24^th.

I think don’t think anything could top this surprise! Home in eight sleeps!

10k, 10 weeks and £300 for global development (or death)

This is not me.

This just in: I’ll be running the Bupa London 10k for VSO on May 27th, 2012.

To be clear, I’m not a runner. In fact, my experience with running has been limited to my days of playing football (soccer) about a decade ago and the dreaded gym class beep tests and 12-minute runs.

I’m not sure if what I do can even be called running, it’s more like a bouncy fast-walk. But, when I heard that VSO was looking for some people to do the run, I saw myself with a big grin on my face skipping over the finish line in slow motion while muscles I don’t have glimmer in the sunlight and corny inspirational music plays in the background. I thought, “how bad could it be?”

Now I’m IN it. I’m officially registered with a fundraising goal of £300 (approx. $470 CAD), a running schedule, a fundraising info pack, dusty running shoes and a goal not to come in last or die in the process. I’m a little freaked out. Clearly.

But, I figure there’s no better reason to get out of my comfort zone than to raise funds for an organization like VSO. Founded in 1958, VSO is an international development charity that works through volunteers. Instead of sending food or money to developing countries, VSO sends volunteers from all over the world to work in partnership with communities to achieve positive change together – sharing skills, building capacity and changing lives.

Please share any training advice you may have below, as I most certainly need it! I’ll post photos and keep you all updated on my running (bouncy-fast walk) progress – let’s hope there’s some. Please help me achieve my fundraising goal by visiting my JustGiving page where your donations will go straight to VSO.

Click here to donate now! Thank you!

A Canadian weekend in London

A few weeks back my friend Christine, a fellow Canadian, visited me in London – what did we do? Only the most Canadian things we could.

We went to a Canadian bar called ‘The Maple Leaf’ (please note, the Canadian spirit was killed a little when we noticed they spelled ‘mountie‘ wrong on their menus – ‘mounty’ is not the same thing – but we pressed on…)

We wore Canadian Vancouver Olympics 2010 mittens outside of ‘The Maple Leaf’

We bought and ate maple cookies from a Canadian-goods store

There’s nothing Canadian about this cappuccino, I just really enjoyed it.

We also said “sorry” and “eh” a lot, but I couldn’t appropriately capture that in a photo. My flatmates have confirmed that my Canadian accent gets exponentially worse when I’m with fellow Canadians. Whut’s that aboot, eh?

Love – as it was made to be

While I’ve never really bought into Valentine’s Day and all the “couple-y” pressures associated with it, I can’t imagine a better thing to dedicate a day to than love – in all it’s forms. I’ve been listening to Mumford & Sons for most of the day (which I deem to be very romantic) and embracing all things lovely before enjoying a Valentine’s Day dinner with my beautiful flatmates. As I advised a few months back on my ‘A single’s guide to happiness‘ post, today – of all days – go find somebody to love.

“There will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.” (After the storm, Mumford & Sons)

“Love that will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you – it will set you free – be more like the man you were made to be. There is a design, an alignment to cry, at my heart you see, the beauty of love as it was made to be.” (Sigh no more, Mumford & Sons)

“I dig music”

I’ve been going from one concert to another here in London – and I’m loving it.

On Thursday it was Nada Surf, they played a great show – their performances of “Always Love” and “Weightless” were particularly memorable. Unfortunately, they didn’t play “Concrete Bed” which is one of my favorites, but they explained that with the extra new band members they’re touring with, they couldn’t play some of their older stuff. Overall though, great night. Also, I’m in love with the venue, KOKO. I know I’m probably a little late to that party, but I’m thrilled to have quite a few upcoming shows booked there.

On Saturday night, it was The Black Keys’ show at Alexandra Palace. The Black Keys’ bluesy-rock sound and gritty vocals earned them an unmatched cool-factor. Their raw sound was at home in the no-frills show with very little chatter and a whole lot of rock. The crowd was slightly rowdier (note: drunker) than other shows I’ve seen here in the UK but the boys played a phenomenal show and made the haters/fighters tolerable.

This was me on Saturday night:

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I also went to see Snow Patrol on Sunday night – check back soon for updates.

Hello London!

I’m aware that it’s been far too long since my last post – my apologies. I moved to London, UK a few weeks ago and things have been a bit of a whirlwind ever since. I’m living in a lovely “flat” with even lovelier housemates (shout out to Mari, Jen and Morgane) and thanks to a few very successful IKEA trips, we have furnished and “home-ified” our house.

Just this past week I went to hear Radical Face play at The Lexington (I posted their “Welcome Home” video a few months back). Radical Face played an amazing show – and despite mostly sombre themes, surprisingly witty and energetic. I’d encourage everyone to check them out. Here’s a recent song from their new album “The Family Tree: The Roots.” A few nights later I went to check out Philco Fiction, a Norwegian band that I had never heard of previously. I absolutely loved their sound and immediately looked up more of their music when I got home. Here are a few snapshots from my time in London so far…

Ski tripping in Åre

Let me just say, Swedes definitely know how to do a ski trip. On my last weekend in Sweden a few of us packed our bags and headed north on an overnight train to the renowned Åre resort for some world class skiing. I hadn’t skied in more than six years and was a little overconfident about my abilities. When I got off the first lift I was almost instantly overcome with fear.

After a few falls and moments of extreme regret I thought, ‘what’s the worst that could happen? If things turn bad, I’ll just face-plant into the softest looking snow I can find.’ This strategy worked wonders (though not recommended for those worst-case scenario kinds of people…) Thanks to the group for the endless ego boosting and encouragement.

The main square in Åre was filled with cafes and quaint little shops selling overpriced Nordic treasures. Our beautiful cabin had everything we could possibly need – including our own sauna. Some members of our group participated in the traditional sauna-roll in snow-sauna practice but our neighbours out did us with a little sauna-naked roll in snow-sauna show.

I’m extremely excited to be heading home to Canada this week for the holidays, it’s just not Christmas without the family. In January I’ll be moving to London, UK for a whole new set of adventures, check back soon for more updates.

Introducing the Sensational Abusive Relationship

This week I couldn’t get Rihanna’s “We Found Love” (Feat. Calvin Harris) out of my head – probably because I had it on repeat on my iPod… Not wishing to keep the joy of this song all to myself I looked up the music video with the intention of sharing it on Facebook. I was only to be disappointed, yet again, in Rihanna’s unhealthy portrayal of relationships. Overlooking the explicit portrayal of sex, drugs and petty crime in the video, it was her portrayal of a dysfunctional relationship that I found most disturbing.

In an interview Rihanna claimed the video was meant to be a cautionary tale of love paralleled with drug use – the highs and the dangers of both. I would applaud her message if the whole thing wasn’t overly sexualized and sensationalized with the (awesome but admittedly limited) lyrics “we found love in a hopeless place” – I’ll admit I’m confused about those mixed messages, and I’m not a teenager. Is this how we portray love now?

I’m not hating on Rihanna (I love her music), but this isn’t a first for her – abusive relationships seem to be a theme in her music videos. I don’t know if it’s a result of her own highly publicized abusive relationship with Chris Brown, but her lyrics allude to overcoming anger, hatred and fear in such relationships for love. Yes, you read that right.

In this video, Rihanna admits that she’s “terrified” but that she’s not leaving, even though her partner is about to “test” her by playing Russian Roulette. Really? Whatever happened to Monopoly?

Too many lyrics to quote in this one, but a particularly alarming line involves Eminem threatening that if she tries to leave again he’ll tie her to the bed and set the house on fire… charming.

I’m not an expert on love or abusive relationships, but Rihanna herself has admitted (and experts on both love and abuse I’m sure would agree) that these portrayals are not of healthy relationships. I’m all for doing away with the cheesy and unrealistic knight-in-shining-armour portrayal of love, but let’s not replace it with the drunken beatings and trigger-happy arsonists portrayed in these videos.

I will admit that these videos are fascinating and artistically beautiful but I can’t help but wonder if these portrayals are actually doing anything in the anti-abuse campaign they are supposed to support. Personally, I think they only perpetuate a sensationalized idea of love as being so passionate that it becomes dangerous or abusive – extreme highs followed by extreme lows. Let’s clarify something here, passion doesn’t have to equal abuse.

Every year one in four adolescents reports verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse by a partner and nearly 80 per cent of teenage girls who have been victims of physical abuse in their dating relationships continue to date their abuser. I’m not saying music videos are to blame but those are some chilling statistics and kind of puts into perspective Rihanna’s “I’m terrified but I’m not leaving” message. If you’re in an abusive relationship, these videos are lying to you. I urge you to seek help immediately – love doesn’t have to hurt.

This issue also prompted an interesting discussion with a friend about censorship and artistic freedom. While I’m not at all for censorship, I have to wonder whose responsibility is it to consider the intended audience? Is it the networks? Is it the artists themselves? Is it the parents of young viewers?

What are your thoughts on this issue?